BoumTAC

Bodycount: The Psychological Impact of Relationship Accumulation in Men

Published on September 29, 2025

In the endless maze of internet debates concerning the importance of "body count," one reality remains strangely silent: the profound psychological impact that the succession of relationships has on our brain, particularly among us men.

I will focus on these masculine consequences because, not being a woman, who am I to claim to understand their intimate feelings? My discussion will therefore concentrate on what I know: the masculine soul and its torments.

Idealization: Our Strength and Our Weakness

Men possess this unique and troubling ability to idealize women. He places her on a pedestal, transforms her into a fairy-tale princess, cherishes her like a precious treasure. In his heart is born the dream of making her his queen, his life companion, his guiding star.

This feminine idealization constitutes a fascinating paradox. It proves indispensable to masculine fulfillment: women breathe extraordinary energy into us, endow us with true superpowers. They give us this strength to move forward, to surpass ourselves, to get back up after every fall and keep our heads high in the face of life's storms.

Without this princess, without this inspiring muse, man struggles to draw this vital energy from within himself. This dynamic benefits both sexes: women aspire to a strong man, capable of protecting her and taking care of her, while men seek to transcend themselves, to give the best of themselves. Only a woman he places on this pedestal can provide him with this devouring passion, this creative energy.

"I had no courage; no purpose and not even a great desire to live before I had you."

Adam Trask in East of Eden by Steinbeck

"No, Cathy brought it and nourishes it from herself [About the 'light' that his wife brings]. That's why I want water. I have to pay for what I received. I'm going to make a garden so beautiful that she can live in it and spread her light"

Adam Trask in East of Eden by Steinbeck. His wife Cathy brings him so much light that it gives him the power to create a Garden of Eden.

But here's the trap: this idealization harbors an insidious danger. The woman he chooses is not an angel descended from paradise, she is not this crystal princess he imagines. She remains profoundly human, with her luminous qualities and her shadowy flaws. Over-idealizing her exposes the man to a brutal fall: discovering, three years later, that his princess was an entirely different person than the one he had constructed in his mind.

"Not mine. (Adam's eyes shone.) You don't know my Eve. She will rejoice in my choice. No one in the world can suspect her purity."

Adam Trask in East of Eden by Steinbeck about his wife whom he idealizes.

This is a crucial point that women must grasp. If you wish to preserve the flame in your relationship, understand that your man must continue to see the princess in you. To maintain this precious idealization, it is appropriate to act accordingly and cultivate this image with delicacy.

"It is easy to direct a man's strength while it is impossible to resist it."

Adam Trask in East of Eden by Steinbeck. Women's power: directing men.

The Poison of Disillusionment

Women, like men, remain imperfect by essence. For a man, chaining relationships is equivalent to accumulating proof that each idealized woman — each adored princess — was ultimately not one.

The logic is implacable: if she had been his true ideal, he would have stayed by her side. One doesn't leave a well-paid job with excellent conditions. If this woman had embodied the perfection he sought, he never would have left her.

Each failure, each woman who ultimately doesn't deserve his love deeply troubles him. The man realizes that he idealized wrongly, that she was riddled with flaws — human, simply.

The more a man multiplies relationships, the more difficult, even impossible, it becomes for him to idealize a new woman. His heart becomes armored, his expectations tarnish, his capacity for wonder dulls. As Charles Bukowski so aptly expresses in his novel Women, these chaining relationships end up providing no emotion, no longer lighting the slightest spark.

This scientific data reveals a troubling truth: each relationship leaves an indelible imprint that persists well beyond the breakup. Eight long years are necessary for the emotional bond to dissolve entirely, the time required to renew the majority of our cells. This data is not trivial: it reminds us that our relationship choices are never inconsequential and that each partner continues to inhabit us long after their departure.

This emotional persistence explains why the accumulation of relationships becomes so toxic. We carry within us the ghosts of our former loves, their idealized qualities as well as their revealed flaws. These memory traces pollute our ability to approach each new encounter with a fresh and benevolent gaze.

"When a man felt the need to possess many women, it was because none was worthwhile. A man could lose his identity by screwing around too much."

Charles Bukowski

Yet this idealization remains indispensable for maintaining this sacred flame, this energy necessary for the couple's symbiosis. Without it, the relationship fades, deprived of its original magic.

We extensively dissect the impact of multiple relationships on women, but we dangerously neglect the repercussions on men. Romantic relationships represent a complex challenge for the male gender: we must and want to idealize our woman, while remaining aware of her human imperfections. It's a perilous balancing act.

Dating: A Time Sink

Theoretically, this problem concerns both sexes, but reality differs drastically. Women are constantly solicited: on the street, on social networks, by men attracted to them. Dating apps amplify this phenomenon: in less than 24 hours, any woman reaches the mythical "+99 likes."

They thus have a virtually infinite choice of men and can easily chain dates with different partners each month, for years.

However, dating devours time, enormous amounts of time. When one spends years chaining dates, dedicating evenings to getting to know different men, these are hundreds, even thousands of hours that are not invested elsewhere.

I personally lived this bitter experience: dating a woman who devoted most of her existence to flirting with men. This situation naturally generates a trust problem that prevented me from idealizing this woman, but also a gaping conversational void.

What to discuss with a person whose only leisure consists of seducing? "So, what are you doing this weekend? Did you go out? How many men did you flirt with?" These questions never cross our lips, of course, but over time, while building the relationship, we realize that we share few common points. More troubling still: discovering that the other has built nothing in her life while we were building ours.

She had wasted all her free time for five years flirting. Nothing else. My princess had just died before my eyes.

The Embarrassment of Choice: When Too Much Becomes Poison

As with the previous point, this problem theoretically affects both sexes, but the majority of men don't have the luxury of knowing this dilemma.

No one is perfect. Each new encounter reveals a novel quality in this person, a quality that was missing in the previous partner. After having dated dozens of partners, choice becomes an ordeal. We desire an impossible fusion: all the qualities of each, without any flaws. But this chimera doesn't exist.

Many women find themselves prisoners of this spiral: unable to choose, they select a man then regret it, dissatisfied that he doesn't possess the qualities of another. The man then discovers that this woman he idealized didn't correspond to his expectations.

He will experience even more difficulty perceiving the princess in his next relationship. It's an implacable vicious circle: the further we advance, the more relationships are doomed to failure.

Conclusion: The Urgency of Awareness

Faced with a subject as delicate and fundamental as romantic relationships, we must build them with absolute seriousness and devotion. Each error mortgages our sentimental future, each disillusionment tarnishes our capacity for wonder.

The multiplication of relationships doesn't enrich us: it impoverishes us, erodes our faculty of idealization and compromises our aptitude for lasting happiness. It's time to recognize this uncomfortable truth and act accordingly.